I have been very slack with my posts the last month or so. I have attempted to write a few in that time but struggled. Not through lack of content. I have been in a bit of a funk lately and the words on the page were very negative. Thats not what I am about.
The one thing I am about, more than anything, is feeling comfortable in your own skin. I have been far from it for a while now. This is not something I thought people would enjoy reading so I have been trying to figure out how to get myself out of this hazy funk before attempting to write again. I am happier to write on reflection of those feelings and draw lessons learnt from the situation.
My biggest issue has been my body and how bad I think I look. I would look around at other "rubber band" mummies that seemed to snap back into place and most of the time look better than before. I have no ill feeling towards them, I am extremely envious and wish I was a rubber band mummy!
It got to a point were I hated going to the gym because all of my gym clothes showed off that fact that my tummy still had not gone down. I hated the thought of going out somewhere when I had to look nice because nothing fitted me properly. All in all I felt like crap.
Three things helped to bring me out of this funk:
1. I was on facebook and one of my friends wrote on her status "I just want to be the person I see in my dreams not the one I see in the mirror!!!". Firstly I was relieved because I was not the only one. Secondly I was sad that anyone has to feel this way. That was ah-ha moment, as Oprah would say. My fabulous friend on facebook was able to put to words what I was feeling. I was now aware and able to start moving forward into a more positve frame of mind.
2. My wonderful friend Claire invited me to join her at playgroup. There was a lady there talking about having blue days and tools that might help you to pull yourself up. Very useful.
3. I watched a 60 minutes interview with Pink, she talked about how she was struggling to get herself back into pre-baby form 15mths on. She talked about how it was ok and she had more important precious moments with her little girl. She wasn't going to worry about what her body looked like. Man I love Pink!
I now feel like I have a second wind and am enjoying exercising, it is no longer a chore. If there is a day or two when I dont get out, its ok because my baby girl needed me.
I'll get there eventually, for now I will just enjoy the journey.
